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RANDY NEW MAN |
posted by jim on 6/06/08
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I'm back from my first proper holiday for fumfty years or so. I went to Los Angeles to spend a few days with my good friends Marc and Emma and another few days with my other good fiends Cerise and Mark. As Marc is also my manager, naturally he'd come up with a packed itinerary for my stay. I got to do all the things I should have done on my various other trips to LA with Carter but didn't do. Back in them Carter days I spent most of my time sat in a hotel room watching CNN or by a pool with a hangover. So it was brilliant to go bowling (which I was good at for the first time in my life, possibly due to the fact that I was wearing my Joe 90 glasses – yes, like my hero Elvis Costello I am now a specky – I've never got so many strikes and spares in all my life). Also perhaps due to my four eyes superpowers I won a third-life-size Spiderman for Emma at Universal Studios by throwing a ball into a hole. Also on our itinerary was the cinema for the new Indiana Jones film, educational trips to the Griffith Observatory and the Getty Centre. We also went on a bus tour of the stars Hollywood homes and saw where the Fresh Prince lived and where the Osbournes apparently didn't:they used to film there and then go home afterwards, TV is fake.
We then hired bikes to cycle up and down the beaches of LA on Memorial Day.
Here are me and Marc on the beach
I saw the bloke from the Eels whose book I'd just read, I didn't speak to him. Just before we got to LA Marc and Emma had very nearly ran Britney Spears over.
The show on the ceiling of the Samuel Oschin Planetarium theater at the Griffith Observatory was narrated by Troy McClure from the Simpsons and he also introduced the Indiana Jones movie, drove us around Hollywood in his minibus and took us on a tour of Universal Studios before it burned down. I love that about America, the showbiz. It makes a trip to Madam Tussaud's or the pictures in Croydon seem just that little bit shit.
Our days with Mark (with a k) and Cerise were lovely too. They live in the hills of Los Feliz. Great views, hummingbirds, palm trees and skunks. I didn't know till I went there that the animal skunk smelled the same as the weapons grade dope skunk. Hence the name. Parts of Los Feliz smelled like South London. Mark and Cerise are in the movie business and who knows, maybe I am too.
We flew back to London in time for me to play a few songs at the Brixton Windmill. It was weird because I had a touch of jetlag and because I'd only just got back I felt like a bit of a foreigner. Great gig though. I sung a few songs with the Abdoujaps too.
The BBC ain't half getting on my nerves these days. The latest thing they like to do is to make two versions of the same programme (the Culture Show, Jools Holland, Have I Got News For You etc). One long version and one half hour version. They show the 30 minute programme first, so you watch that one, then they tell you to catch more stuff on the full length version a couple of days later. So you have to watch the same stuff you've already watched to see the extra bits. Why not just put the full length one on and forget about the shorter version?
My mum is something of a Doctor Dolittle. In her garden she has various birds, a squirrel, a fox and now a small family of rats. It's like Farthing Wood in my mum's garden. The thing is that some nosy neighbour has seen the rats and now the council are going to come round and kill them. What really is it that makes rats so evil in the minds of humans?
They're in the garden not the house. They look pretty clean to me. Let the rats be I say. People are the same with foxes and hens with flu. Bloody murdering humans.
Back to knife crime watch. More soon.
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JIM NICE BUT DIM |
posted by jim on 7/05/08
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Without fail as soon as the sun comes out proper, so do the noisy neighbours. No, this isn’t nimbyism. They aren’t in my back yard they’re in theirs. They’ve been building something in their garden for a number of years now. Never quite get it finished. It’s like a really shitty slow episode of Ground Force. I wonder what it will turn out to be if they ever complete the work and Titchmarsh and the ginger woman with no bra come out from behind the fence with a bottle of champagne.
Every year as soon as it gets a bit sunny, just as Robin Williams might have advised them to do, they seize the day. Sawing and grinding. Shouting and ‘a hammering. The radio is on fucking loud too. I can mainly hear the bass. I think it’s some sort of 80s station with occasional nineties filler. I just heard what I think was the Eurythmics and also the Sugababes. It’s what Nelson Mandela’s Hyde Park birthday party will sound like.
I had thought of tuning my radio in to whatever it is they’re listening to, to see if one cancels out the other. Instead I went to Sainsburys. I don’t really need anything in Sainsburys. I want to sit in the garden and read my Will Self book. My shopping list demonstrates this quite well: tangy sandwich pickle, tomato ketchup, 4 potatoes, 3 onions and some Sainsbury’s own cola. The £1.29 cola price tag also illustrates my tightness.
It’s my first day off for a while. I’ve been writing something and haven’t left the house for weeks. To most people, sitting in front of a computer thinking up stuff in between surfing the net, checking email and watching The Sweeney every other day on ITV 3 or 4 is a day off. Some would say that every day of my life is a day off.
I’m going to LA soon to see my friend and manager. He has a strict and full itinerary of fun events planned. Indian Jones, Universal Studios, bowling etc. I wonder what will have happened to London by the time I get back. How long will the Boris Johnson effect take to affect. I personally think the old white haired idiot seems like a nice enough sort of bloke. I doubt he’s evil and probably is pretty genuine about most of what he says. I just wouldn’t have necessarily put him in charge of such an enormous amount of cash and responsibility
I met Ken Livingstone many years ago and although I wasn’t that impressed with how he wasn’t that impressed with meeting me, I do think if somebody has to do it then he’s probably the best man for the job of London Mayor. If it was a laugh we were after why didn’t we give the chain and mace* to Pete Doherty.
I need a day off from all these days off.
*I know the London Mayor doesn't have a chain or mace.
It was just a silly fact free gag.
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THINGS TO BUY FROM AMAZON |
posted by jim on 28/03/08
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THE START OF SUMMER
1. Les (Fruitbat) sent me this bit of audio from a Radio One interview we did as Carter sometime in 1992. It was at the big press junket in Brussels to mark the release of our LP ‘1992 The Love Album’. In the interview we both seemed pretty angry about something, or indeed, about everything. That kind of thing is quite uncomfortable to listen to now. It’s the same when I read old interviews in the NME or wherever. Not that I do that very often you understand. Although I did read a few things when I was writing my really quite superb ‘Goodnight Jim Bob’ autobiography
2. Isn’t it daft the way they’ve used ‘Blister in The Sun’ by the Violent Femmes in that lager advert and the band – I presume it’s them – have had to re-sing the words to remove any suggestion of – I don’t know what, drugs I presume. The lines that before were ‘When I’m walking I strut my stuff and I’m so strung out / I’m high as a kite, I just might stop to check you out’ have been altered slightly to ‘When I’m walking I strut my stuff and I’m so hung out / I fly like a kite, I just might stop to check you out’. Daft.
3. I’m currently working on something that I can’t talk about in case I jinx it. Like I did with my ‘novel’. Unpublished for such a long time now that it can’t be any good.
4. My unpublished novel is brilliant by the way.
5. My manager Marc seems to be having a blast in LA He’d only been there for a week when he was at a pool party with An Oscar winning actress
6. We’ve used way too much gas in our house this past quarter.
7. My nephew is playing rugby for England under 16s.
8. Mrs Bob has gone to Devon. I suspect that she and Fruitbat (in OZ), Marc (in LA), Mr Spoons (also Oz) are really in a safe house in the Cotswolds planning a big surprise party for me.
9. Go buy Chris T-T’s new LP 'CAPITAL'
It’s really good. I sing on a few songs, but don’t let that put you off.
10. I’ve bought
this:
this:
this:
this:
And this:
And this:
Oh and this:
So now you know what my next album will sound like.
More soon.
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Euro-lack-of-vision |
posted by jim on 2/03/08
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I don’t know. Picking that Andy Abrahams with his song that wouldn’t have made it onto a Lemar album over Michele Gayle’s obvious Eurovision winning tune. Makes me want to emigrate.
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KEEPING IT TO MYSELF |
posted by jim on 18/02/08
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I tend to get involved in stuff I’m not allowed to talk about. Not like I’m a spy or have signed some secrecy act, official or otherwise. There’s no scandal either, it’s just that I get involved in things that or may not happen and I don’t want to appear as a Barry bullshitter or a failure when they invariably don’t come to fruition. Sorry for the vagueness, that’s the problem you see. I’m working on a couple of things that may never see the light of day, so rather than curse them by bigging them up or cause disappointment (to myself in particular) like I did when I rambled on about my novel that still isn’t published. What I’m trying to say is that I am busy, I’m not just sitting around watching TV and eating chocolate. Well I am doing a fair amount of that too. But anyway.
Falling into a similar category is whether or not Carter ever play again. We’ve had some offers and requests, particularly from people who missed out on the last two Carter reunion shows to do more gigs. So we sent out an email to the Carter email list asking for advice and opinions. Mostly the feedback was yes we should do some more Carter gigs. There were some negative responses and some quite aggressively so, like we’d suggested a comeback for Hitler.
Rehearsed with the band who’ll be playing with me for the 100 Club gigs in April. It sounded brilliant. Absolutely so.
Played three really enjoyable gigs in Portsmouth, Manchester and Wolverhampton. My manager goes to Los Angeles for a year in March and these would be the last Team Jim Bob outings for a while. I’ll miss the Marks and Spencer sandwiches, the in car podcasting, the nob gags, the arguments about football, Dr Who assistants and the excessive use of the name Barry. Two of the gigs were sold out which as I may have said in the past are my two favourite words. Coincidentally the two least favourite words of those who think we might be reforming Hitler.
I’ve been listening to the wonderfully intense Laura Marling and have finally finished reading the epic ‘The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay’.
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WHO DO I THINK I AM? |
posted by jim on 18/01/08
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I’ve been researching, or should that be growing my family tree. Pruning the many branches that have emerged from its trunk, watering and hugging it. I feel like a private detective. Every time I match a date with a name. Each cross reference a little victory, as I head towards cracking the case. I’m concentrating on one side of my mum’s family because that’s the bit that has turned out to be the most immediately interesting. I’ve always liked that programme ‘Who Do You Think You Are?’ although I never really understood why they got so emotional about it all until I got stuck into my own ancestry. I feel like I know these dead people. I’ve begun to bore people by telling them all about it. Including you now.
We’re having another go with my Humpty Dumpty LP. Re releasing it. This time it’s been promised some reviews, fingers crossed they aren’t too harsh. I’m not good with criticism. I have low enough self-esteem as it is and don’t really need any assistance.
I’ve got to put a band together for my April 100 Club gigs. I know surprisingly few musicians really. All my friends are leaving the country. Marc is going to LA and so is Chris T-T. Les, Richy and Mr Spoons are going to Australia. My missus is off to Devon. March is going to be a lonely month.
I’ve had a new year clearout. I had to buy a new printer/scanner/copier and to make a space for it, it was finally time to chuck the old Carter photocopier out. The one we were given as part of our deal with Chrysalis Records in 1991. It doesn’t work and just takes a up a big chunk of space. It’s on the floor now, maybe I’ll get it to the rubbish dump soon, along with the TV that doesn’t work that’s been sat on the floor for about six months and the two Adat recorders that don’t work and whose only purpose is to bang and cut my shins and knees as I squeeze past them every now and again.
It’s raining.
Still no publishing deal for my nov. A couple of near misses. I suppose it’s getting beyond silly now. Like it doesn’t exist and I just keep banging on about it. In spite of the low rewards I might even start another book. To be honest I sort of have already. At least when I do sign that big fuck off JK Rowling type book deal I’ll be ready with my follow up bestseller.
I’m currently reading 'The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay’
by Michael Chabon. I’m listening to The Rolling Stones
and Townes Van Zandt . I’m watching ‘Citizen Smith’: a series of BBC 4 documentaries with Michael Smith who wrote Giro Playboy/ .
Still raining. I actually quite like the rain.
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TEAM JIM BOB'S REVIEW OF THE CULTURAL YEAR 2007 |
posted by jim on 17/12/07
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Team Jim Bob Cultural review 2007
It’s that time of year again. The Team Jim Bob Top Tens of the cultural year. I struggled myself with a few of the categories – for example, top ten gigs of the year. I only went to about three that I wasn’t playing at myself. My selection is yet more evidence of the fact that I need to get out more. Maybe next year. My staying in wasn’t exactly jam-packed either. Most of the records I bought this year were by Bob Dylan or were CD versions of vinyl I already owned: like Wire and Cockney Rebel. I really need to stay in more. Maybe next year. Jim Bob xxx
JIM BOB
BOOKS
What Is the What – Dave Eggers
Apathy and Other Small Victories – Paul Neilan
My Booky Wook – Russell Brand
Rant – Chuck Palahniuk
Piercing – Ryu Murakami
Douglas Coupland – The Gum Thief
Shorty Loves Wing Wong – Michael Smith
A Man without a Country – Kurt Vonnegut
FILMS
The Science of Sleep
Perfume
Half Nelson
Blades of Glory
Hot Fuzz
28 Weeks Later
Prestige
Blood Diamond
Last King of Scotland
Casino Royale (Annual Team JB cinema trip)
ALBUMS
Neon Bible – Arcade Fire
Cassadaga – Bright Eyes
Arctic monkeys – Favourite Worst Nightmare
Art brut – It’s a bit complicated
Rufus Wainwright – Release the stars
GIGS
Arcade Fire at Brixton Academy
Bright Eyes (three times)
TV
Flight of the Conchords
I.T. Crowd
Saxondale
Peep Show
Heroes
Lead Balloon
Recovery
NCIS
The State Within
CSI
OTHER STUFF
Slava’s Snow Show at Wimbledon Theatre
Russell Brand’s radio show on 2
Russell Howard and Jon Richardson’s radio show on 6
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MARC
Top 10 albums of the year
1. Arcade Fire - Neon Bible
2. Jim Bob - A Humpty Dumpty Thing
3. Bright Eyes - Cassadaga
4. Kate Nash - Made Of Bricks
5. Abdoujaparov - Cycle Riot History Ganf
6. Jake Shillingford - Written Large
7. Polyphonic Spree - The Fragile Army
8. The Enemy - We'll Live And Die In These Towns
9. Interpol - Our Love To Admire
10. Babyshambles - Shotters Nation
Top 10 tracks of the year
1. Arcade Fire - Intervention
2. Jim Bob - Cartoon Dad
3. Mouthwash - Kate Nash
4. Bright Eyes - Make A Plan To Love Me
5. Indelicates - Sixteen
6. The Rakes - Suspicious Eyes
7. Abdoujaparov - Snoozy Girl
8. Manic Street Preachers - Your Love Alone Is Not Enough
9. British Sea Power - Atom
10. Sultans of Ping - Kick That Dirty Job
Top 10 gigs of the year
1. Carter USM - Brixton Academy
2. Carter USM - Glasgow Barrowlands
3. Arcade Fire - Brixton Academy
4. Bright Eyes - Shepherds Bush Empire
5. Abdoujaparov - Water Rats
6. Sex Pistols - Brixton Academy
7. Bright Eyes - Glastonbury Festival
8. Arcade Fire - Alexander Palace
9. My Life Story - Shepherds Bush Empire
10. Spice Girls - O2
Top 10 tv programmes of the year
1. Doctor Who
2. Strictly Come Dancing
3. Dragons Den
4. Sarah Jane Adentures
5. Lost
6. Heroes
7. Saxondale
8. Property Ladder
9. Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares
10. The IT Crowd
Hero of the year: Arsene Wenger
Idiot of the year: David Cameron
Book of the year: Douglas Coupland - The Gum Thief
Film Of The Year: 28 Weeks Later
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MR SPOONS
Favourite Album: Little Man Tate
Favourite Song: Orson's cover of 'Push the button' has been most played on the old iPod, hon.mention to Chris T-T's song about Xmas Turkeys too.
Favourite Gigs: Poly'spree at Astoria, Mick Thomas at Dingwalls (mainly for explaining the story behind 'For a short time'), Laura Imbruglia at some dive in Camden, Chris T-T at 93 feet East (all 20 minutes of it)
Worst gig: Sex Pistols by a cuntry mile
TV Shows: Doctor Who, Prison Break, Studio 60, Lost, Sarah Jane
Hero of the Year: Clinton Morrison (on achieving 100 goals for Palace)
Idiot of the Year: Steve MacLaren
Book of the Year: Shocking year on the Dr Who/travel writing front, so I'm reluctantly going for 'Piano in the Pyrenees - Tony Hawks': mildly entertaining froth
Film of the Year: Casino Royale - the only one I saw this year at the cinema (Marc & Jim don't let me include ones I see on aeroplanes)
"For the avoidance of doubt, my list excludes all Carter-related stuff, or it would be an even more dull list than it current is - Love & a Beery Xmas, Spoons
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Can You Hear Me Robert Zimmerman? |
posted by jim on 6/12/07
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It’s been a weird month this post Carter reunion show month. I think the Americans call it a curveball. A ball pitched at me with a snap from God’s wrist that made it spin and twist and – according to my laptop’s dictionary – ‘drop suddenly and deceptively veer away from home plate’. I’m not totally sure what this home plate is. Is it what you eat your dinner off when you’re not in a restaurant? I played a bit of softball (‘a modified form of baseball played on a smaller field with a larger ball, seven rather than nine innings, and underarm pitching.’ According to my laptop dictionary.) I played softball at school a few times. It’s a most inappropriate name for the sport, as I was once hit full in the face by a so called ‘soft ball’ and a lump about the same size as the ball immediately appeared on the side of my head and nearly killed me.
Anyway, I digress. I always have done. Sometimes I feel like Eddie Izzard shooting off at tangents and often not finishing sentences. You see, I’m digressing again. Where was I?
God’s curveball. His Shane Warne The Lord’s wrist spinner. Bowled at his very own cricket ground perhaps God’s googly. I just Googled google. 191,00 hits, including this scary picture of Kate Nash
The whole Carter reunion thing left me feeling weird for a while. First there had to be a bit of a down after such a couple of big ups. That lasted a few days, then I went on holiday to Devon and stayed in a converted cowshed in the grounds of a big posh house where they filmed The Hounds of The Baskervilles with Peter Cushing. The gardens there were amazing. So vast you could get lost in them. I visited my friends and family in Devon and Cornwall, walked on windy beaches and did a bit of charity shop shopping. Isn’t the price of stuff in charity shops ridiculous these days? I felt good. I came back to London to prepare myself for my solo ‘Christmas Office Parties’ tour. I bought a Christmas tree, some cheap decorations form Woolworths’ new ‘worth it’ range of no frills goods. And I sat and waited for my new album to show up. It took a while. There were problems with the printing and some more with the delivery. It did get a bit depressing and the big bang I kind of imagined for my new record was closer to a whimper – ‘a feeble or anticlimactic tone or ending’ my computer dictionary says.
The tour’s nearly over now. There were ups and downs. Ronan Keating’s rollercoaster. You’ve just gotta ride it. That curveball I mentioned has a lot to do with my own insecurity and the constant need to change what it is I’m doing. I have no staying power. I don’t know whether I want to be Barry White or Bob Dylan. I was a bit worried at the start of these dates how people would react to me playing the Carter songs on an acoustic guitar now that they’d heard them how they were supposed to sound. I decided to play less Carter songs and that occasionally made me feel like I was going down badly when it was simply that the audience were listening to the new songs. Must get more chutzpah.
My favourite things people have said to me on this tour is that I’m the London Bob Dylan and also the English Bob Dylan. Two completely different people said those things. At different gigs. I’d have to say that I always think of myself as more Scottish than English, like the indie Rod Stewart as I wrote in my fabulous book still available and just reprinted. And also I don’t want to come across all Londonist, so I’ve decided to drop the English and the London bits and from now on I’m going to refer to myself as simply ‘Bob Dylan’. It was Bob Dylan who said this, ‘A lot of people can't stand touring but to me it's like breathing. I do it because I'm driven to do it.’
I suppose I agree with Bob. I'm kind of driven to do it myself.
In a big black shiny new car by Mr Spoons.
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GOD'S BLOG |
posted by jim on 20/11/07
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Today was a wonderful day – Fantastic
No of course I’m being sarcastic
I spent most of it in pain
Taking my own name in vain
It’s not easy being all knowing and all seeing
If everything around you disgusts or dumfounds you
I’m losing my patience with a few of my creations
The idiots in the village that I made in my image
They’re a big disappointment, they kill for enjoyment
I feel like shaking the almighty Etch-a-Sketch
My name is God this is my blog
Ten million hits no more secrets
And today was a wonderful day – Stupendous
No, I lied again, it was horrendous
I don’t understand, It’s nothing at all like I planned
All I see are perverts, murderers, goat killing Devil worshippers
Holocaust excusers, dog collared child abusers
Small men in big hats, genocidal maniacs
I hope they’ve brought their rain macs
I’ll send them hurricanes, whirlpools,
Hailstones like cricket balls
Twisters and turners, flatteners and burners
My power and my glory, my filth and my fury
For ever and ever and ever
My name is God and this is my blog
Ten million hits, no more secrets
And today was a wonderful day
A child’s first step
The sun as it set
The moon on the water
The kindness of a stranger
The songs and the jokes
The space between the notes
Today was a wonderful day
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PERHAPS IT WAS ALL A DREAM |
posted by jim on 7/11/07
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What a bonkers week it’s been.
There I was, sitting in a green room in a transport museum in Coventry talking to Jason Donavon about the early nineteen nineties while I was being filmed by Channel 4 pretending to watch the Pigeon Detectives perform on TV. It was the night before Brixton. The second of the great comeback Carter concerts. On the drive up to the Midlands we had a phone call asking me to present an award on behalf of Shelter to the Best Newcomer at the UK Festival Awards a week later – when and where I’d be sitting on a table about six feet away from Michael Eavis and with that Pete from Big Brother bloke who can’t help swearing. The Daily Mirror gossip columnists were on the phone, desperately (and unsuccessfully) trying to get onto the full Brixton Academy guest list: Russell Brand had just been added to the list (I don’t think he showed up), along with Neil Tennant (who apparently did). It was like I’d won a be an indie pop star for a week competition.
What can I really say that hasn’t already be said about that Brixton gig?
The way everyone I’ve ever known in my entire musical life was at the aftershow party, that was nice. So many old friends who’d flown over from LA and Israel, Greece, Australia, USA, France, Germany, Poland, Austria, Sweden, all points on the Carter compass, just for the gig.
I liked it when Les came on for the encores dressed as ‘Fruitbat’, in his shorts and cycle cap and had his first beer for seven months served up on a silver tray.
I liked my king’s costume that looked like it had been made in the dark by that Pete from Big Brother bloke who can’t help swearing.
And seeing the Tom from Tom and Jerry glove puppet in the front row just like he would have been in 1991.
I’m glad we could go away for so long and return to play two of our best ever shows, without it being embarrassing or sad, although we did make quite a few big men cry – including Jon Beast.
Oh and we – or rather, you – broke the Brixton Academy bar record.
xx
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