At the top of the High Street in the heart of the city
There’s a shop that sells everything you need
They’ll put glue in a bag they’ll sell you individual fags
And you can learn to smoke before you can read

At the top of the High Street you can hear the sound of gunfight
Coming from the swings in the park
It’s a Pot Noodle western and like that film with Charlton Heston
It’s not safe to go out after dark

Bad blood is running through the pipes and the plumbing
And the whole town is down on its knees
In the heart of the city in the lungs and the kidneys
It feels like a fatal disease

On the grey streets of Goffam every family is a problem
Every road is too dangerous to cross
Every good guy’s a baddie everybody is the daddy
Every child is neglected or lost

Bad blood is running through the pipes and the plumbing
And the whole town is down on its knees
In the heart of the city in the lungs and the kidneys
It feels like a fatal disease

The mayor of the city will be cosy and comfy
With the birds and the flowers and the trees
The mayor of the city lives in the country
Next door to the chief of police

The streetlights are broken and darkness is descending
The experimental curfew has begun
The cinema is closing and the swimming baths are empty
And the fun fair is purged of its fun

Bad blood is running through the pipes and the plumbing
And the whole town is down on its knees
In the heart of the city in the lungs and the kidneys
It feels like a fatal disease

Support the Goffam cops

Now is not the time to be delicate and pretty
There’s a tidal wave of crime poisoning the city
On the streets of Goffam there is chaos and confusion
Are you part of the problem or part of the solution?

Support the Goffam cops

It’s a dirty fucking job but someone’s gotta do it
To stand up to the mob and be prepared to take a bullet
Are you part of the solution or part of the problem?
They’re all the law we’ve got support the cops of Goffam

Support the Goffam cops

There’s a secret millionaire somewhere
In the shopping mall or at the fun fair
On the streets there is a new face
Carrying a heavy suitcase

He says,
Money never made me happy
I was always sad
I never really wanted what I had

The secret millionaire goes walkies
On the look out for some worthy causes
A swimming pool that needs rebuilding
Or something cool for the local children

Money never made him happy
He was always sad
He never really wanted what he had

I am the man behind the counter of the science fiction superstore
I sell t-shirts, comic books and sci-fi movie merchandise
Like a plastic figure on a shelf of the science fiction superstore
I’m a scaled down model of myself waiting for a sign
Then I will fight crime

My lonely face is a cover for my secret identity
My mild mannered ways are a pose and my clothes are a disguise
From the colour of the cloth, just another Goffam goth,
that’s what you’re meant to see
Like the toys on the shelf I’ll keep my self to myself until it’s time
Then I will fight crime

When I see a sign in the sky I will stick it to my enemies
With the power of my will, with my superhuman skill and with my mind
I’ll be a thorn in the side and a pain in the arse of my nemeses
I’ll hang a sign on the door of the science fiction store that says
‘I've gone to fight crime’

Science fiction hero

I will fight crime

It was a hot midsummer’s evening he was cycling home from school
Staying late to roller skate at the local swimming pool
Some boys stepped out in front of him and told him to dismount
Just another number in the teenage body count

They stuck a blade into his chest and left him on the ground
Beside his upturned bicycle its wheel still spinning round
Lying in a pool of blood waiting to be found
And added to the numbers in the teenage body count

His mama’s heart was broken, she couldn’t understand
Her son was well behaved and popular and not mixed up with gangs
At the crime scene there were football shirts and flowers on the ground
And the local papers adding up the teenage body count

Oh what a world we’ve made for our children
A world to get killed in
A world without love

When the killers were arrested they were too young to be named
A lack of father figures and strong role models was blamed
It was peer pressure and self defence that made them carry knives
And be locked up in a prison for the best years of their lives

The funeral procession was led by a single horse
The crowd that lined the route broke into spontaneous applause
At the cemetery the Bishop read a sermon on the mount
And his sister sang a song about the teenage body count

And she sang,

Oh what a world we’ve made for our children
A world to get killed in
A world without love

It’s one small step for man
A giant leap for mankind

There’s a golf sale about a hundred yards from here I saw it on a sign
You can get yourself some checkered slacks in salmon pink and lime
Then give your sort code to a student in a tabard
with a clipboard and a pen
Turn your back on ignorance and start again

It’s one small step for man
A giant leap for mankind

Turn your back on ignorance and prejudice and get yourself a hat
A wide sombrero, a trilby or a bowler or a fez or something like that
Learn to dance, get yourself a hobby, take some children to the zoo
Think about the consequence of what you do

It’s one small step for man
A giant leap for mankind

It doesn’t have to be about the Benjamins, the kickbacks and the bling
You don’t need to be a millionaire to know
there’s more to life than owning things
If you want something to make you feel good about yourself
build a garden shed
Buy some wool and knit your gran a cardigan instead

Give blood, be a knight in shining armour, save a life instead of taking one
If there is such a thing as karma you’ll be quids in when you’re done
Free your mind and your ass will follow free your ass and free your mind
It’s one small step for man but it’s a giant leap for mankind

Last night I phoned a takeaway
Just to talk about the day I’d had
I watched a film on my TV
The thought of you was making me feel sad

I'm parked outside the doughnut shop
I’m just another lonely cop
I miss you

I bought some food and solved some crime
I paid some dude to pimp my ride real nice
I’m going to drive it to the coast
My dreams were haunted by your ghost last night

I’m parked outside the doughnut shop
I’m just another lonely cop
I miss you

More or less I think about you
Every day that I live without you
Shining shoes and ironing shirts
Going to and from my work
In the kitchen in the shower
Every second of every hour

I miss you

I'm parked outside the doughnut shop
I’m just another lonely cop
I miss you

Architect architect where do you live?
Is there bad blood in your piping and a dead dog in your bin?
Can you hear the neighbours fighting because the walls are paper-thin?

Architect architect where do you live?
Are there bloodstains on the balcony
Is the walkway to your door an escape route for drug dealers
Are there needles on the floor?

Architect architect how do you sleep?
Do the bed bugs fight the roaches in your continental quilt?
As your nightmare time approaches in the bedroom that you built?

Architect architect where do you live?

Will the postman not deliver any letters through your door?
Does the piss flow like a river in the lift up to your floor?
Are your windows wrapped in plastic to keep out the cold night air?
As you gaze on your dual aspects of malfunction and despair?

Architect architect

While you were sleeping a searchlight sent a beacon across the city
Through a custom made gobo the searchlight shone a logo and a name
At their secret headquarters in a cave on the outskirts of the city
From out of the darkness the fantastic and the marvellous never came

Our heroes

The police chief commissioner is in jail and the fire station’s burning
A school bus has a blow out and it’s not safe to go outside at night
On the hospital rooftops a sniper takes pot shots at the nurses
There’s no one to save us, like the time that the angels went on strike

Our heroes

In my high school science days I was exposed to radiation waves
That left me with my super powers, a super weakling super coward
And baby if you want me to I’ll wear a mask and cape for you
To hide my true identity and every day I’ll try to be

Your hero

I am a shadow of the boy
The boy with all the dreams and plans
About the evil he’d destroy
When he grew up to be a man

I thought one day I’d save the world
Now the costume doesn’t fit
I could not even save myself
Everything has gone to shit

Does nobody ever wonder?
Don’t nobody ever care?
That sometimes I feel outnumbered
And sometimes I just get scared

There’s nothing super about me nowadays
Not as far as I can tell
I did not stop that speeding blade
Or save the boy trapped down the well

I ignored the train track girl
As I drank myself into the grave
I said goodbye to the cruel world
The cruel world that I could not save

There’s a sunset that would break your heart
And when it gets dark there are stars
The future’s bright and the skies are clear
Not far from here
Not far from here

When you’ve seen the true horizon
You’ll never want to come back
Right now the sun is rising
And we could learn from that

The future’s bright and the skies are clear
Not far from here
Not far from here

There are mad dreams there are brave plans
And when the snow lands there is hope
Oh yeah the future’s bright and the skies are clear
Not far from here
Not far from here

Radio Goffam happy hour
Masked man on the radio tower
Armed policeman on the ground
Waiting for the word they’re gonna take him down
Hazy sunshine, heavy snow, Radio Goffam Goffam Radio

Radio Goffam on the air
Broadcasting from a swivel chair
Nothing clever, just rock and pop
And news and weather right around the clock
Clouding over, localised thunder and rain from stormy skies

The masked man on the radio tower
Has a megaphone on DC power
He’s wrapped a sheet around about him like a superhero’s cape
And he’s shouting
Text yes to let him free
Or if you want him shot down spectacularly text no
To Radio Goffam Goffam Radio
Heavy traffic on the roads
An 18-wheeler has shed its load

Radio Goffam, midnight to five
On a shock jock bigot vibe
Any filth you like he’ll say it
And if a song’s playlisted then we’ll play it
Over and over and over again
Until it’s stuck inside your brain

Competitions, guest star turns
Nero fiddles while Goffam burns
Our city’s in the grip of crime
The playlist don’t reflect the times
Hazy sunshine, heavy snow, Radio Goffam Goffam Radio


The lines are closed, a large per cent
Almost all the listening audience
Of the drivetime and the breakfast show
Have dialled the number and selected no
Hazy sunshine, heavy snow
Radio Goffam, Goffam Radio